Today no gd.

Today morning still ok, then aft recess, ashley n sencia started emo-ing. Ashley emo coz wh nvr show her more concern and like show the whole grp concern(except me) except her, she then emo, sencia suddenly emo. Ask her dun emo she only nod head, ask her y emo, she only shake head. Ashley also same. Then i affected, alot, i emo also. then i go scratch myself during maths lesson, aft that hv spots, i think caused by too much scratching? i also dk, then i use wallet chain whack, a while ltr use watch whack, then aft maths, music, ms liau quite gd mood today, normally she come in scold the ppl who misbehave, but today she come in emo face, then suddenly we greet that time, she say, no eat izzit? then cheered us all up, abit. Then since all relaxed, i saw sk hv penknife, i go snatch, tried cutting my hand, at 1st she snatched away, then when she nt looking i snatch agn, naughty rite... cant ctrl myself. then i saw she hv scissors, can tell wad came to my mind? i go take, but she no see. then i started cutting, aft 2 slice nth happy, no mark no pain no bleeding, anything also dun hv, by the time she snatched back. then she nt looking i snatch agn, then she snatched back =,=... then i walk pass remus table saw scissors, quite sharp de. i go take, i say lend me yi xia. then i cut, 5 to 6 slice only mark, then 5s ltr, hv blood come out, that moment my feelings was, happy, glad, that thr was blood, then i too happy dint think, go tell sk, smore in a happy way, then she told joyce, who told rachel, they threaten tell ms liau. i say only small cut, then they say, small cut dunnid scared tell cher, i almost knelt dwn beg them... then joyce say wan tell tr, even scared! then i faster try quan her dun tell. then aft that the blood only so small lorh... but this show they concern abt me, i happy abt that... then come back play game, 3hrs to relax? but that game violent, make me feel worse, then chat msn with jia yin, she very diff on msn and in rl life, i prefer her rl life coz more relaxed, i chat with her msn smtimes dk wad to say cai hao... and i also dwun hurt her feelings. i really wished can hv more time for me cut my hand, i wan make longer and bigger scar. then bathe all the blood marks gone, so dissappointed. also cannot make too big and too long, ltr chre saw tell mum, i scared joyce tell cher cher tell mum that y tried all means to sotp joyce, i really down today... then come back jy still like this chat... nt blaming her, just feel sad for myself, i cry ytd night, listen to 'my love' love that seems so far away, can also say that for the love my parents and me once shared in the past. i long for that forgotten and lost love, although if i had really got that love now, i wouldn't know how to use it or show it anymore, im now relying on the love fwens in school and jy gv me, to fill up the space the love which my parents should gv me had left behind. I think im getting weaker by day mentally, i get mood swings frm small matters that are 'sad', they make me very sad. Trust me, frm my primary sch life, i nvr had true fwens b4, maybe only 3 to 4 of them, but now we dont hang out tgt anymore, only truely TRUE fwens are sk's grp now. I love them alot. But nt sure whether they love me, and tr also, i regard him as sk's grp, so i dint really leave him out. These ppl i love them more than anything else. I really hope they can stay with me all the way, maybe they dont like me like amanda and sy... which i dun really know. i hope they nvr dun like me n pretend that they still hangout with me...

Thats all bah... i think long post

By, Onew Lover